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Shame is the #1 enemy we will encounter in this lifetime. Feelings of shame are rooted in how men think. According to new studies in human evolutionary biology, humans developed the capacity to feel shame as it helped to promote social harmony. As the leading researcher in another study explained, “shame evolved to limit reproductive success and to limit the impact of natural selection on sexual attractiveness”. Shame has a very important place in our lives as it helps us to make sense of who we are and what we can and cannot do.

Ok, that’s pretty deep. It’s understandable, but it doesn’t solve the problem.

A great deal of harm is caused by shame and one way that we can work to eliminate or reduce shame is by being able to recognize when we are having those feelings and respond appropriately to them. How do we respond to shame? You respond to shame with HONESTY. Be honest with yourself if you have made a mistake. Tell a trusted friend or write it down in a journal and talk to yourself about it. Secrets don’t make friends.

There is a voice in each of our heads that is an accuser. You did THIS wrong. You suck at THAT. You screwed it all up THAT TIME. If we don’t talk it out or write it down, we can’t hear how harshly that accuser is talking to us. Do not carry shame. Share your story. We all tend to carry shame, so let’s carry that burden together.

If you have something to get off your chest or need to vent, slide into the Midlife Man DMs on Instagram @midlifemanjournal.